all these, and more
Monday, 7 November 2011 @ 19:32 |
"What do you want to be when you grow up?"
We hear this question a lot, don't we? Throughout our lives, in the most random moments, scattered all over. It's a very important question, though - something you really have to think about. The answer matters just as much.
Right now - in this particular stage of my life, in this particular year - life revolves around this question. So many others (those who are going through the same stage I'm going through) already have an answer and are certain of where they are headed. They follow their passion in life and they are sure to succeed.
It must be nice - to be able to pursue your dream. To be able to shout and declare what you want to be, what you're going to be and what you will be. To be certain of the path you're about to take and to look forward to it because you know your life will revolve on what you love when you take that path.
That's why I envy them so much. Those who have all these, and more. Because, honestly, even at this age, I still don't know what I want.
I've already made a decision, of course, but I can't say that that decision was made out of serious thinking and deliberation. Out of passion or what my heart wanted. It was made mostly out of time and family pressure. The path that I chose - I was hoping it would be enough for my parents. But of course things didn't turn out that way.
There was this other path I wanted to take. The path where my passion lies. But my family went against it, and the more they pushed me away from that particular path, the more I was convinced that I'm not good enough for that path and that I would never make it through if I took it. So I took another path, but it's still not enough. It seems as if no matter what I choose to do (unless, I suppose, it's something they want me to do), they'll think that I won't be able to do it.
So now, I'm left in this state. This horrible, uncertain, confusing state.
I'm sorry I can't be the daughter you want me to be.